Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
