I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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