once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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