i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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