I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
