I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
