Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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