I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
