He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
