Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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