He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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