I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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