dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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