I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were trust falling into bushes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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