Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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