A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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