You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
