she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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