omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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