Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
