you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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