Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
