I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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