I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
