Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My vagina is officially offended.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
