We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
