Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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