I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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