Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
