he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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