I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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