I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
