There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
