Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
