you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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