No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
