I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
