He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
