If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
