one two three fourrrrnication!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
True strength comes from lack of pants
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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