I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
