So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
