She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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