i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
