How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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