i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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