"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
