Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
