What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
