Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
